I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this here. Maybe it just needs to be said, even in a vague way. So I apologize in advance for being cryptic.
I have something that I need to let go of. I’ve been single mindedly fixating on something for a while, and I need to put a stop to it. I wish I didn’t have to , but it is oh so necessary. And it’s hard. I’m getting there. I’m still thinking about it, but I’m coming to terms with a different outcome than I wanted. Neither the “thing” nor the alternate outcome are bad things. It’s my focus on the outcome I want that’s unhealthy. I need to chill the fuck out and just live my life already.
I need to stop looking to the future for everything. I need to stop wanting something to “look forward to” all the time. I need to be more present in the present, shift the focus from getting what I want, to wanting what I’ve got. And I’ve got way more than I deserve. I need to kill that relentless drive inside me that screams “MORE MORE MORE”.
I’ve had enough.
