All around the blogosphere (and the real world too) people are getting pregnant, and bringing home babies. It is driving me nuts. I have read at least 6 pregnancy announcements this month alone. I don’t think it is any secret that I want another baby. BAD. I’ve tried to push it out of my mind, and it’s just not working.
I shouldn’t be jealous of people who are growing their familes. I shouldn’t be. But I am. And I feel guilty about that. (And if any of you reading this are pregnant or adopting or just home, this is not about you, and I am actually very excited for you. I just wish I could join you. )I feel like I’m shortchanging my daughter in some way. She should be enough for me. And I think of the people I know who are struggling with infertility or long adoption paperchases. And feel guilty all over again that it came so easily for me.
We have all kinds of reasons to wait. We’re not in a house yet, we have bills to pay off, we can’t afford 2 kids in daycare, but we can’t afford a mortgage without my salary, I am also heavier that I have ever been in my life, and I am sort of afraid of what another pregnancy would do to my body. Health first, and honestly, looks too.
If I still prayed( I don’t anymore, but that’s another story for another day), I’d pray for patience. Or, a miracle that would let us have another baby now, now now! Even if I got pregnant right now, my children would be almost 4 years apart. I never wanted that much age gap. If I am being brutally honest with myself, I am pretty depressed about it. Do I need to just get over it and be patient? Or do I need to make drastic life changes to accommodate this baby to be? I’m turning 30 in 2 weeks. I don’t want to wait any longer.
Anyway, that is the end of my baby rant.
22 responses so far ↓
Michelle // August 13, 2007 at 4:55 pm |
Baby fever is hard to fight. I already think about another sometimes (and then my 1 wakes up and I realize I would go insane). No advice, just empathy!
Alleen // August 13, 2007 at 5:02 pm |
Definitely one you have to work out for yourself and in your own time, not according to what anyone else thinks. But, I would kill to be 30 again, that’s for sure!! I’d like another, but frankly, we’re just too old. sigh…….
typelittlea // August 13, 2007 at 5:14 pm |
Alleen,
I meant it rhetorically. And you are absolutely right. The problem is I know the answer. I’m trying to force the former when what I want is the latter.
Hoo-Boy. This “life” this is not easy!
Melissa // August 13, 2007 at 10:23 pm |
I’ll lend you one of mine for a weekend. LOL. I feel for ya babe.
chou2 // August 14, 2007 at 2:10 am |
That is a sticky wicket. All i keep thinking of when I read it is that there is never a good time. And I think you give a decent amount of weight to what your gut tells you to do. But it is a really big decision for sure!
Michelle // August 14, 2007 at 1:11 pm |
Did I write this? Did you steal my thoughts? Other than a few details, I Could Have Written This. Thanks for crystallizing exactly how I feel – especially the part about feeling as though I am shortchanging my daughter.
rimarama // August 14, 2007 at 3:31 pm |
Hey, there.
Think of it this way – you’ve already had one, so the chances of another one are pretty darn good, right? And 30 is a GOOD AGE to have a kid. Really! And so is 31 and 31 and 33 . . .
BTW, my old boss had hers four years apart and, though she wanted them spaced closer, she says it’s working out really well.
tracey // August 14, 2007 at 9:21 pm |
The age spacing is what it is. They’re going to be further apart than you pictured initially. So be it. Work your tail off, pay off what you can, save the extra change in jars (it works!) and just jump off that baby diving board. Pick a date. And say that unless one of you is SERIOUSLY unsure of it, just start at that date. Because there will never be enough money, or enough time, etc. I speak from debt experience.
In convincing Patrick to have baby #3, (he was happy with 2) I quoted some random person who said “you will never regret the children you DO have. Just the ones you didn’t.” I agree. I would have TOTALLY regretted not having 3 kids. I am always going to be envious of people just starting out, but I KNEW with my third, that she was meant to be my youngest.
Hang in there. Talk to your hubby. See what you can come up with. What can you sell or cut out of your budget for a year or two?
Liz // August 15, 2007 at 1:26 pm |
Amen, sister.
Christina // August 15, 2007 at 3:52 pm |
Hmm, I have been there and done that – I got over it! We are waiting for a while. It is expensive to have two (See my post!)
But we were in the same boat – it does subside and even go away a little bit. I found it helpful to hound my husband about when we would consider another so I could ease my mind and it worked.
I too feel bad that I am short changing my son but he will be okay as long as we make any age difference okay (whether it is 15 months or 15 yrs God love you if you wait that long!)
Cheers sista!
Kelly // August 15, 2007 at 4:47 pm |
Totally feel for you. I really can’t imagine not ever having another baby, but my husband does NOT want any more children and I’m not going to do anything that huge if he’s not on board (and also, uh, not willing to give up some sperm). Also, by the time I would feel financially comfortable enough to have a baby (we’re one income right now and it’s just too tough), my son would be 7 or 8 years old. Plus, I want to do other things in life like travel and, uh, be thin again at some point. I just don’t know.
Hurricane Amalah « Type (little) a // August 15, 2007 at 5:01 pm |
[...] others are saying Kelly on Oh, BabyChristina on Oh, BabyLiz on Oh, Babyzdoodlebub on Better than yesterday, though …tracey [...]
notthemama // August 15, 2007 at 6:40 pm |
I can totally relate to that. We don’t have any kids yet, but we talk about it incessantly. We KNOW we’re not ready. My partner is going to school part time so in order to change professions, we can’t afford it, we don’t have the space, etc, etc, etc. But that doesn’t stop me from WANTING one. I go through phases where I am totally okay with waiting a few more years. And then there are the times I think the wait will kill me.
Top Posts « WordPress.com // August 15, 2007 at 8:02 pm |
[...] Oh, Baby All around the blogosphere (and the real world too) people are getting pregnant, and bringing home babies. It is […] [...]
Penny // August 15, 2007 at 8:18 pm |
I’m another on the wanting-a-second-and-not-getting-it, and very-jealous-of-the-others-who-are, bench. I’m just too chicken to blog about it because my mom reads my blog (and, um, she’s the only reader). But I have all the same range of emotion, and a very distinct lack of patience.
DebbieDoesLife // August 15, 2007 at 8:57 pm |
I’m sorry. There is no perfect time for a baby. But, I know when you do decide to add to your family it WILL be the perfect time right then!
Lady // August 16, 2007 at 3:00 am |
My last job had tons and tons of the workers having babies left and right..
And it sucked so bad because we’re still trying!
ladybug // August 16, 2007 at 9:38 am |
Mine were seven years apart. I didn’t want to wait that long (it took nine months to conceive the first and more than a year and then finally IVF at 40 to conceive the second). In the end I’m glad it all worked out the way it did. I was thinking I didn’t want two in college at the same time. Now I’m glad I don’t have two in daycare at the same time. My son adores his little sister and is a tremendous help. My daughter follows her big brother around like a puppy, a bossy puppy.
30 is still young enough to wait and have another (or more). Waiting stinks, though.
jeremy // August 16, 2007 at 3:06 pm |
Now I might not know much about the baby fever but I have a friend with some sage advice. whenever she gets the fever, she goes to work at the local battered women’s shelter which usually keeps her in check for a while.
BTW 30 is a fine age, plenty of time to wait and eventually afford it. though speaking as a semi-rational 20 something… Can anyone ever afford to have a baby anyway? It doesn’t seem to stop anyone.
Lynn Dempsey // August 16, 2007 at 9:23 pm |
Ok, I’m only going there because you know me well enough – but try being 30, going on 31 with the issues I have and seeing all the fuckers of the world who don’t deserve babies have babies. People who are truly deserving of them and love their babies, they don’t count, I love people having babies. Not 12 year olds and not people throwing them in garbage bags. Ok, now I’m ranting. I’ll pray for you because you won’t pray for yourself!
Swistle // August 17, 2007 at 2:00 pm |
This is going to be low comfort indeed coming from a woman who has five–FIVE–children, but we had to wait between child #2 and child #3 (I’m sorry, this continues to be less than pitiful, since that was already double the children you have) because Paul was out of work and I was working full-time and barely making our mortgage payment, let alone….well, anyway. People say there’s no perfect “right” time for a pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times that are definitely wrong. We’d planned to wait two years and instead we waited four, and every day of that was ICKY ICKY SAD. And so I am sorry you are going through it. And I hope you can have all the babies you want, every last one of them.
Lena // August 18, 2007 at 12:06 pm |
Well, well, well. It looks as if I have finally met my clone.