Jammin’

I was on the road yesterday visiting clients, and I am missing my Sirius Satellite Radio something awful! I grabbed some CDs a few days ago, and today I popped in Bob Marley Legend.

I forgot how much I love Bob Marley. It brings back memories from such a huge chunk of my life. Jammin’ and One Love from High School when I may or may not have been getting baked with my friends while listening to this album. Buffalo Soldier and Redemption Song back in college when I was all political and stuff. Waiting In Vain, No Woman No Cry and Could You Be Loved? whenever I was feeling lovelorn. It also reminds me of when Ducky was small, and she let ME pick the nighttime rocking to sleep music.

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The car situation is more than I care to get into right now, because it is endlessly frustrating and BORING. The abridged version is even though I have an extended warranty, this is going to be expensive, no matter what the outcome is. (The outcome which is STILL one week later up in the air)

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Toady is picture day for Duck-Duck. And I am beside myself excited to see these pictures. Since she has become so opinionated about her clothes, I decided that I needed to take her shopping for something to wear, because the risk was HIGH that she’d refuse something I’d picked out. She told me she wanted a “purple dress, purple skirt, purple tights, and purple shoes and NO BARRETTES”. Very cute the first hundred times, a little grating once we reached 4 digits. LOL.

SO anyway, we went to Children’s Place, Kohl’s, this place Justice, and Target. I also looked online at Macy’s, Baby Gap, Gymboree, Old Navy and CP again in case I missed anything. Whole lotta nothing! A lot of cutesy crap that made me barf. My daughter is a person, not a doll!! But I digress.

In Children’s Place they had these great purple and lavender striped tights, but did she like them? “NO RAINBOWS, DARK PURPLE” Similarly in Kohl’s, lavender was nixed pretty hard.

I finally found a (dark) lavender corduroy dress at of all places Babies R Us. They were sold out of her size, so I had to go one size smaller, which is usually fine, she’s kind of in-between, but mommy forgot that TALL GIRL + TOO SMALL DRESS= HOOCHIE MAMA SHORT. Fortunately, I found some leggings, and it still looks cute. I also had to swap out the turtleneck that came with it for a short-sleeved shirt, because (a) it was way too humid today, and (b) I didn’t notice at the time, but it was a friggin’ onesie. Why do they make onesies in size 4T? How the hell is she supposed to get that open and closed to go to the bathroom? Why oh why did I rip the tags off???

Have a good weekend, kids.

I desperately want to change the subject

My Car!!!! I’m so upset over this situation, and I’m honestly really tired of talking about it. I feel like I’ve been writing about cars/driving NON STOP since infinity. My god how I’ve changed. Fun fact about me: I got my license when I was 16, moved to NYC when I was 17 and virtually stopped driving until I was 25. Honestly. I drove less than once a year. Because I was a big titty baby and avoided it as much as possible, which wasn’t hard to do in NYC. So I apologize, if I am a little pre-occupied. I’ve been trying hard to come up with something, ANYTHING else to talk about, but still it’s about driving. Sigh, I can’t fight this feeling anymore. You’re stuck with Michele’s adventures behind the wheel.

Twice this week when I went to change lanes, and thought there was no one there, I was greeted with indignant honking. Just glad that I didn’t have an accident. So it’s either a blind spot issue, or I’m just an asshole driver. Either way the problem is between the seat and the wheel . LOL

Two weeks ago, Ducky, The Highlander and I went out to LI for a friend’s son’s birthday party. It was my “turn” to drive (ed:what that means is The Highlander didn’t feel like driving) and even though we had monster traffic and a busted GPS windsheild mount, everything was fine. I got a little scared (see above NYC driving titty baby) at one point when I was stuck in a turn lane, and there was lots and lots of traffic, but we made it to my friend’s house and I even paralell parked.

When we were going to leave, I realized that I had ignored the GPS when it told me to take the Lincoln Tunnel. I just kept heading to the George Washington Bridge and forced a re-route. To my horror, I realized that going home it was going to take me to the Midtown Tunnel. I almost cried, and I begged The Highlander to drive. After making me sweat (he hates driving my car) he agreed.

The funny part of the story came later (you were starting to wonder if there was one, weren’t you??). We were on the LIE and I pointed out the Manhattan skyline to Ducky, and I said, “Look Ducky, there’s the big city that Mommy’s too scared to drive in”, and she actually said, “Don’t be scary Mommy, it’s just a tunnel. Relax, i’ll protect you” And all the way through the tunnel, she kept re-assuring me that it was not scary, and to her utter delight, we got to go in a second tunnel. I don’t know what it is about my kid, but she loves tunnels. The last one she was in was the one under the Inner Harbor in Baltimore, which I think is why she mentioned the tunnel when I pointed out the skyline. I think she thinks all “tall tall cities” involve tunnels. Guess I can’t take her to Los Angeles, then. LOL

I could have DIED that was so cute.

And now back to the car. It was towed FRIDAY, and the finally looked at it TODAY, which is WEDNESDAY. It took them 10 minutes or less to determine that the engine is fucked, and they’re just waiting for the OK to replace the engine or give me NADA book value. I should know this afternoon. I’ll update this post when I know.

Hope all your cars are running fine, and in case you were wondering, if I have to get a new car, I won’t be getting a Hummer. But only because it comes with XM, and not Sirius. I don’t care about the polar bears at all.

A beautiful day

My mom and I took Ducky to a local (ish) “farm” for pumpkin picking, hay riding, corn maze-ing, face painting and animal gawking. It was such a gorgeous crisp fall day, and since I haven’t been on a farm since my grandpa died when I was five, I was unaware that I am now allergic to hay.

This cow had ATTITUDE

You can’t kill the rooster (50 points if you get that)

Mommy! Mr. Sheepie LICK me!!

The tractor driver guy took our picture. Yes, I am straddling a hay bale. I don’t know either.

These are just some pumpkins

I guess it’s not really “picking” pumpkins as picking up pumpkins off the ground

Getting a pink and purple butterfly

The maze of maize

CORN MAZE!!!

She fell asleep around noon in the car on the way back, and we put her down and The Highlander and I went to look at some apartments. My god, I wish I’d thought to bring the camera. They made an East Village dump look like a viable alternative. We popped our head into an open house or two, also. All we know are we are not moving to any of the complexes near The Highlander’s job. They were beyond jacked-up. They were JANKY, yo.

We won’t know anything about my car until tomorrow at the earliest. But I did test drive a Hummer H3 on Friday. It was niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Except the price. Of course, right? And unsurprisingly, I really like my rental car, a 2008 Jeep Liberty. Can’t I just keep it, and call it a day?

I hope you all had a good weekend.

Here we go again, this time in a Jeep

My car is fucked again. Only this time, it might be D-E-A-D. Didn’t I just do this?
When I was driving home from work yesterday, it was making weird noises. It’s hard to describe, especially if you’ve never had to drive a shitty car (and this one wasn’t, until now) but if you heard this, you’d know that something wasn’t right. In my old car, after it rained, it would sometimes be a little chuggy for oh 10 minutes or so, and then it ran fine. This was not the case, it actually got louder and the wheel and the pedals were vibrating so violently, I was having a hard time keeping my foot on the brake.  The check engine light kept flashing on and off, kind of in sync with the vibration, and the same with the oil pressure light. Which got me to thinking….

Remember when I took my car in 2 weeks ago? And they gave me an oil change, or I at least PAID for one? Hmm, curious indeed that my oil pressure light would be on, and that my car would sound like IT HAS NO OIL.

So I had it towed this morning, and Ducky was thrilled to death not just to see the “big truck”, but that Mommy’s car was “riding piggyback” on it. She told her daddy and the rental car guy, and her teachers when she finally got to school all about it.

It’s at the dealership now, a different one than the one I bought it at, and I’m just waiting to hear. This is not going to be fun. Or cheap.

Help!

Is there anyone out there just a little less lazy than I who is willing to help me search for a Halloween Costume for Ducky-Duck?

She wants to be a “wer-maid” (that’s mermaid to you and me), with a pink or blue or purple tail. (I have fully given up on dressing her as duck.)

Now, here are the requirements:

• Size 4T or thereabouts (size up, not down)
• NO Ariel (I already found one as a last resort, BUT I’m no fan of the Disney Princesses, so like I said, LAST RESORT
• It must be something appropriate for fall in the Northeast.
• It must not be stripper wear or otherwise slutty
• Not binding in the legs
• NEW ONLY. No used eBay stuff.

So if you feel like it and you find something, send me the link in comments or email. And if you don’t want to look, tell me in the comments your most creative Halloween costume idea for kids or adults.

Titles are for suckers

Hand up who watched 3o Rock last night?(actually all of NBC’s lineup, except ER, because bah, does anyone even care about that show anymore?)

Jack: I’m back, Lemon. I’ve had the most productive summer of my life.
Liz: Me too –
Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: America’s Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog?, MILF Island –
Liz: MILF Island?
Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, fifty eighth-grade boys, no rules.
Liz: Oh, yeah. Didn’t one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn’t mean she’s not a wonderful, caring MILF.

Also, because you all know how much I love Tracy Jordan:

Liz: Kenneth, you are now in charge of doing all the non-sexual things that Angie used to do [for Tracy].
Tracy: So he’s like … my office wife?
Liz: Sure, let’s go with that. [She leaves]
Tracy: (gets down on one knee) Kenneth Parcell, will you take this ring…and sell it in the Jewish part of Midtown, then go get us a Nintendo Wii?
Kenneth: Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes! [Runs off giggling.]

My Name is Earl was OK, but I’m waiting for him to get out of prison already. And MORE CRABMAN!!

Oh, The Office. What am I going to do with you? I was so excited that we were getting 4 hour long episodes. But they DRAAG. And seriously, when did Michael turn into Homer Simpson? Do we REALLY believe that he’s stupid enough to drive into a lake? I was expecting Fonzie on waterskis any minute.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I was with Dwight this episode, twice. First when he called the Blackberry “stupid and pointless” and I actually felt sorry for him that he had no clue WHY Angela preferred to eat in a public place.

Also, was Ryan just not the very douchiest douche there is? As I read on TWOP, he fell out of the douche tree and hit every douche branch on the way down. I loved the fakeout pregnancy move on Kelly’s part. Do you think he actually wanted Pam’s drawings? Or was that just a way to ask her out?

Jim and Pam better watch out. Hell hath no fury like a mild mannered HR guy scorned….or something like that.

Finally, where do I sign up for “Awesome lessons”? Do think Jim will be there? Will they have Turtles there?? Because they, not gift baskets are the real ultimate in “class and fanciness”

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Apropos of nothing, have the postal workers in your area abandoned their uniforms like they have here? And not just on casual friday, either. Do you know how disconcerting it is to see a man dressed as a slob fooling with your locked mailbox? Or to be using the postage machine dealie and have some random woman glaring over your left shoulder shouting instructions and watching you enter your PIN? I finally said, “I’m sorry, who are you?”

It’s a birthday party and playdate weekend coming up. Anyone doing anything good?

PS- Procastamom and Amanda, your packages were mailed today. Sorry it took so long, guys!

Alive

The Highlander and  I had the “e-coli” check in the world’s most disorganized doctor’s office yesterday afternoon. We’re kind of fine, I guess, but we both need further tests/scans/ultrasounds. I also had the honor of being examined by the world’s most nervous medical student. (Think JD and Elliot from the first season of Scrubs) He actually asked to show him where my hipbone was. Dude, it’s NOT A TUMOR. I know I have a few extra pounds on me, but any fool can tell that’s my hipbone, just sayin’. I also fail to understand what he was listening to, TWICE on my right shoulder blade, but then again, I’m just a humble accountant, not the world’s most nervous medical student.

I guess I can’t award the phlebotomist the “World’s Worst” title, as she did manage to get the needle in me on the first try. I was getting nervous for a second.  First, she put the tourniquet on me (tight), then realized that The Highlander needed a band-aid, and spent 3 years putting it on him, THEN, she left the room for a “pediatric” butterfly for me (No idea. there is NOTHING dainty or small on me), and THEN!! she forgot the collection tubes. And just for balance, she also forgot MY band-aid.

After we were done, we went to pick up Ducky together. She went crazy that her Daddy came to get her. And that she got to ride in Daddy’s car. She said, unprompted, “I’m happy to see you Daddy”. She’s going to be so mad when it’s only boring old Mommy picking her up tonight.

Sob

My car is fixed. I pick it up tonight. And it’s only going to cost $143.69. So why am I crying?

Because I will miss my rental minivan very much. I used to wonder why anyone would drive one of these things unless they had a litter of kids, or were constantly hauling huge bags of soccer balls or something.

Internet, can you keep a secret? I get it. I loved that minivan so much I wanted to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

Le SIGH. I have to bring it back tonight. I’ll miss you, Vannie.

Does this mean I need to watch the news again?

I went back to the gym on Saturday because I had a personal training appointment (she didn’t show up, but that’s not the point of this story) As I was doing my cardio, I noticed a story on CNN about a beef recall, but since my iPod doesn’t have a radio tuner, I couldn’t hear the TV. If I were one of those jerks freaks people who brings their cell phone to the stationery bike, I would have called The Highlander and told him to look it up. I proceeded to finish my workout, get blown off (for the SECOND time) by my “personal” trainer, and left.

It didn’t occur to me to look it up until last night right before bed. Um, we had the contaminated meat in our freezer!! We ate hamburgers on Labor Day. I got sick the next day, and The Highlander got sick that Friday.

I am so glad right now that our daughter is such a picky eater. So it seems that she is the only one in the family who DIDN’T get e-coli!

So hubby and I have doctor’s appointments on Wednesday, just to make sure we are fine. Considering that this particular strain of E. coli O157:H7, can cause acute kidney failure, and that my father and his mother were both dialysis patients, I’m understandably a little upset.